What's the deal with recipients not reimbursing for bags?

I have to say it's really annoying and even somewhat hurts my feelings when recipients don't even offer to reimburse for bags. It makes me much less inclined to donate again to them. Not only am I out the $ for the bags, do they not understand the hours of pumping and cleaning that go into each gallon of milk? It makes me feel like I'm being taken advantage of and it makes me feel like their thanks are somewhat hollow. Pumping is a lot of labor and time; I spend an hour a day or more pumping. While I'm not saying that I can or should put a price tag on my milk, is it so hard to offer up 5 or 10 dollars for supplies?

If you are a recipient, do you offer to compensate for bags? If not, why?

I am a recipient and definitely offer to reimburse for bags, and like to provide bags ahead of time (when I am that organized) for an ongoing donor to save them the time and trouble. Diapers.com is a good way to do this, have it shipped directly to their home. Perhaps recipients are not thinking it through and don't realize that this is expected if they are new to this. I was lucky to have a previous recipient tell me what she did for the mamas so it got me into that mindset before I even started. She provided bags ahead of time, gave little gifts, sent photos and thank yous, all the things you'd expect, but maybe a new recipient is too caught up with trying to find milk that she forgot to consider what the donor has to do to get this milk to her. I did receive two one-time donations in the very beginning, from mamas who are no longer pumping, so I did not offer to reimburse for bags, but certainly would have if they had asked -- I just didn't think it through. I should have. Bags are expensive and donors should not have to foot the bill. Money is tight for everyone, so even if a recipient feels she cannot afford bags, she should consider what formula would cost, and that she would be buying the bags herself if she were pumping that much. I also offer to share the pump rental cost, and would pay the entire cost if asked. I pay for a month or two ahead of time, in cash, if it's an ongoing donation (I only have one of these, but this is what we did... seems only fair).

For shipping, if you are a recipient, it helps the donor mama a lot of you can arrange to have the insulated box shipped right to her home, send her FedEx forms already filled out, and give her the contact information and details of how she can call to have the box picked up from her home the morning it's ready, so she doesn't have to lug the box to a drop-off location. Or offer to call for her to arrange the pick up if she's incredibly busy.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, thank you for donating, we do appreciate you and all your hard work!

I think as PP mentioned, some new recipients just don't remember about reimbursing the milk bags. I'm fortunate that I am able to produce enough for my own baby and extra milk, so I can't even imagine how to feel to have low supply and not being able to nurse on my own supply.

So far, other than the milk bank donations, I have only made donations to two moms so far, and I was using the ice cube trays in freezer ziplock bags, so I didn't even think to ask to be reimbursed. I have bought about 150 Lansinoh bags with my current baby, and I know these milk bags cost a lot (50 for $11 or 25 for $6 at local walmart).

So, I think you may want to kindly ask if they can reimburse you for the bags. i don't think any recipient would refuse to reimburse you. In theory, donors shouldn't have to incur any cost when donating milk. I know it's a lot of work in time and effort to pump extra milk. If we add up all the time to pump extra, it'd be like one to two hours extra a day. Please don't get discouraged; I'm sure those recipient moms appreciated your milk more than you think they did

I'm not discouraged, I just feel that it's rude to not offer anything. Am I the only one who actually read the Milkshare.birthingforlife.com site? It states very clearly under Donation Etiquette:

"Expenses should NOT be the responsibility of the donor. Aside from her pump, recipient families should be paying for shipping, bags, and other supplies in full at the time of donation or immediately after. If you can not afford these costs, then it should be your responsisbility to find a way to raise the funds. Donor mothers are already giving their time and tremendous effort and, even though they want all children to have the advantages of breastmilk, it is not approprite to expect that they will also pay financially for your child to benefit."

I shouldn't have to ask. It's awkward for me to have to ask people to pony up, you know? I can afford to buy the bags but I feel like it's disrespectful for the recipient to not pay for the bags - I already have the expense of a hospital grade pump, the pumping kit, heck, the extra food I need to eat to make the milk. Not to mention the hour or two a day I could be spending doing other things with and for my family.

If you think about it, donor milk is a lot cheaper than formula if you're just reimbursing bags. A 25oz can of Similac formula costs well over $20 and makes almost 190oz of formula. 190 oz of milk will fit into less than 50 lansinoh bags easily, even 25 if you fill 'em full.

I don't think it would be unreasonable at all for you to ask to be reimbursed for our bags.

As a receiving mom, I always do my best to make sure that the process of donating milk costs the donating mother nothing but her time.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. As far as I know, most moms happily reimburse. I'm sure some just aren't really familiar/comfortable with the practices of milksharing. They obviously haven't read the rules of etiquette.

IzzeFloch wrote: maybe a new recipient is too caught up with trying to find milk that she forgot to consider what the donor has to do to get this milk to her.

Bingo. Regretfully, I am one of these mothers that didn't offer to pay for the bags my first time around. The ongoing stress of trying to find milk is all-consuming for me. And in those early days I took everything at face value, I really needed it to be spelled out for me. In no way do I think that recipient mothers who fail to read the etiquette or abide by it are less grateful, just more forgetful or obtuse! I would strongly encourage all donor mothers to speak up for your expectations. I know as a recipient mother, I will do everything I can to meet them. Bags are a pretty obvious offer and I am sure it does seem wholly disrespectful for a recipient not to offer. I can only say how utterly appreciative of and full of respect for our donors I am, and yet, I, too, have been a complete blockhead and not offered!

I always offer. If they say no, I usually bring some along anyway.

That's a great idea! Do you find that people prefer particular bags? A friend of mine pumped for me for a week while her milk regulated. She refused the bags I offered (yeah, it finally kicked in that I was a big ninny for not bag-offering the first time!) but wanted the medela bottles, which I happily supplied.

I would love see a thread about what recipients do for donors.

I think I only reimbursed once because she'd already gotten the bags. Other than that I've bought new ones to replace the ones she used and then if she continues to pump I'll bring extra. One long term donor I usually bring her 100 bags each time I pick up, about once a month.

I prefer Lansinoh bags but I prefer being reimbursed to being bought bags - I don't need more bags. I like it when I am asked what I prefer. I have asked some recipients with kids older than mine for hand-me-downs if they have any. One recipient is happy to pick up little stuff from Target when she goes so I don't have to go, like a bag of cat food.

I think that it's only fair to ask if your donor wants something other than bags. If it's cash she asks for, please consider it. We aren't selling you milk but we may be asking you to make it a little easier to do this for you. As donors, we all have out of pocket expenses attributable to pumping.

Oh I always ask to see which they'd rather, I've just only been asked for reimbursement once.