Donors? Do you ever feel under appreciated?

I know this sounds a little weird, but as a donor, do you ever feel under appreciated? I mean, I've donated to 9 babies since having my daughter, but, do you ever feel a little under appreciated by some of the recipient families? I don't expect a lot from recipients, but an occasional email (or an email as soon as the milk gets there) is nice. Especially considering I freak out and worry about my milk until it reaches its destination...

I don't know. I've becoming pickier about who I donate to. Mostly because I don't want a repeat of what happened with the families who made me feel under appreciated.

I've mostly stopped donating due to a decrease in my supply, but yes, it has happened on occasion. Due to the high population density of my area, I have been lucky enough to have met all but one of my recipients and their babies. However, a couple times I have had women drive up, exchange a few words, spend as little time as possible with me and mine, and skedaddle as fast as they could. I suppose it can be particularly awkward basically asking for bodily fluids off from a stranger but it doesn't leave me warm nor inclined to donated again to them, no matter how much their stories may have touched me initially. Oftentimes, those were the same women who neither asked if I wanted reimbursement nor offered any. More than half have sent me any follow-up emails at all, but usually only when they were about out and looking for their next donation. A few have sent emails not attached to requests and those have been my favorites.

I think perhaps that we as donors do not understand the stress that recipient moms are under, especially if they are trying to give as much milk as possible and not supplement with much formula or use formula at all. I suspect that sometimes the moms are basically just thinking about how long our donation will last and where they will get their next donation that they forget the human part of the formula. I know that some women spend hours looking for and obtaining donations each week; some women spend hundreds of dollars on shipping, which probably doesn't help decrease the feeling that they are purchasing a commodity, not something that is quite precious to us as donors.

But yes, I agree. I've been upset sometimes after a donation and have been left feeling somewhat used. It's a crappy feeling and while I doubt very much that the recipient intended to leave me feeling that way, I just feel like out of sight, out of mind, oh well, where's the next 100 ounces coming from.

I felt unappreciated with the recipient, the first time I donated milk. She didn't even tell me thank you, and even fussed at me when I asked about reimbursing me for the storage bags. It was an awful experience, and I refuse to donate to someone like that again. I felt like a dairy cow, and not an actual person to her.

My last recipient was so different. She made me feel like my milk was making a difference, and it was nice to hear that.

I only donated once and it was a very positive experience. I was definitely appreciated.

It is a strange thing though. How connected I feel to that milk. I almost feel like I gave life to two babies instead of just the one that came out of my own body. lol. it is quite crazy how emotional it all is.

I am just beyond thankful I was the one donating and not the one being donated to. I can only imagine what that must be like. Adopted babies, low milk supply, failure to thrive, medical issues. I hope the measly 200oz I gave to one family made some sort of a difference in their struggles....and I wish I could have done more. Next time around I will do more. I didn't find out about this soon enough to do more this time.

anyways I hope more folks have good experiences than bad ones.

That was my worry from the beginning. I was stood up TWICE before I found not one, but two wonderful recipient moms. One of the times, I happened to be TEN flippin minutes from this woman's house and even offered to drop it off (I actually live over an hour from her) and she told me she couldn't be bothered that day and came up with some excuse. I decided then that I wasn't going to go for the sob story, but I was going to pick my moms because they wanted the BEST for their kids, not because they felt entitled to it. My first milk baby's mom has diagnosed milk supply issues and just couldn't make it by herself- not a sob story comparatively, but heartbreaking to go through, I'm sure. She has become a friend and allowed me to have some kind of relationship with my milk baby. When she picks up the milk, she will bring the little girl and I get to see exactly why I spend over an hour a day pumping my breasts for someone else's child. It's definitely worth it when I see how well she is doing! That's all I wanted from the beginning was to have a kinship with my milk families and I'm glad I didn't let the first two jerks ruin it for my two milk babies. : )

I was VERY nervous at first. I've only donated once, as my little one was just born in January and the milk is actually still in the mail. However, I've been very satisfied with our interactions. There have been frustrations with tests not being given during my pregnancy and trying to figure all of that out now, but the recipient has been extremely understanding and affirming. She's such a blessing and I'm so glad I'm able to provide for my own little guy in addition to helping her little one out!

I have had the most wonderful experience. The fist person I connected with didn't work out so I was nervous when I first made the connection. However, after a few email exchanges things were off and rolling. I found that while I might be supplying milk, the other mom was able to help me adjust to parenting as she was just a few steps ahead with her own son. We have exchanged numerous emails and she has doanted her son's clothes so it feels like a pretty even relationship.

I think this site is such a blessing and any moms that can connect are equally blessed. I also know that as a parent, reaching out can be hard. But in the end each of us is trying to do what's best for our kids... and it truly does take a Village

hi all I am so sorry for those people whom you did not feel appreciated by- please don't give up donating - it is an amazing thing for some of us- I adopted my baby boy last year and he was on donated milk until he had to go dairy free- I have never felt so grateful in my life- perfect strangers coming together to help me- thank you so much for what you do from me and everyone else
sarah

Oh I would DIE if I ever made my donor mama feel that way.
I don't want to make any excuses for that type of behavior only want to offer some reasons.
To be honest it is REALLY awkward for me to meet my donor mama. I have NOOO clue why it just feels a bit uncomfortable. not because I am not greatful but because I feel a bit embarrased maybe even a bit shameful that I have to resort to looking for donors because my dang boobs won't cooperate.
And because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable or underappreciated and I don't have money to buy her the world which is what she deserves I feel ashamed and therefore want to remove myself from the awkward feeling kwim?

I feel really weird about taking such a precious gift without having anything but breastmilk bags to give in return.

So while I completely HATE the fact that some of you felt under appreciated please know that may be a reason.

Even if I receive shipments which is how most of my donotions have been I never have enough money after paying so much for shipping that I have nothing to offer. I have done REALLY small things for regular donors like a gift certificate somehwere or to give away like cloth diapers I used on my baby if her baby is younger etc etc. but nothing that can even compare to what she deserves.

Hope I am making sense. I feel SOOOOOOOO appreciated and feel shameful that I can't give what my donor really deserves so it is really awkward. Then if I send email pics which I have done a little bit I feel like she thinks I am begging for more.

The last thing I want my donor to feel is pressure.

Admitedly when the milk is overflowing I feel so greatful and to be honest when it runs out I must admit there is a little fear that steps in wondering where to get my next shipment so my baby stays healthy as in the case with one of my babies where it was a VERY real need for it. She couldn't tolerate anything else.

So there are some feelings on the recipients side and I honestly hope this doesn't sound selfish because it is not meant to in the slightest.

My donors deserve all the money and gold I can give as far as I am concerned but unfortunately being a stay at home mom on one income and husbands work cut backs and living on food stamps for a time being it has killed me to not give my donor what she deserves.

Love you donor mamas please know I think ALL of us recipients are forever greatful we just may not know how to show it comfortably.

Michelle
mommy to soon to be 8 blessings in sept and 2 of them which recieved wonderful donor milk through this website. WOOHOOO

I don't feel under appreciated at all but then again I've only donated to the local milk bank. Each time I've dropped off milk the girls have always been so sweet to me which makes me very happy knowing that my milk will help someone else's baby.

OP, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling under appreciated. What you are doing for someone's baby is a precious gift that is so selfless. So, from one mother to another, I'm telling you thank you for helping those babies who need your milk and keep up the good work.