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Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

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Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by littleman on Sun Aug 15, 2010 11:13 pm

I have posted here twice looking for milk for my son, and I have received quite a few responses, but when I get everything set up, I don't hear a thing back from them. Whats the point of milk share if you get no one to follow through? I just feel like I am wasting my time here.

Sad

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by veggiegymrat on Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:38 am

Well, I can honestly say that I've had that problem for the past 4+ months. However, my luck turned all in 1 day. I finally found a local donor that produces so much, she can exclusively feed my daughter as well as her son. It made my day because my daughter is only 3 months old and I've already spent more than $2,000 on shipping costs.

However, prior to that, I had HORRIBLE luck. Moms saying yes and then not replying to me (like you are having), moms promising to be repeat donors and not being, 1 mom promising she could exclusively feed my daughter, lives locally, and then emails me and tells me she changed her mind (and this was like a week before my daughter was due). Hang in there! I love you
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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by bhtimm on Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:26 am

I have a local donor who could only donate small volumes whom I heard from back in March. Then...nothing. 3 months later in June, I heard from her again. Now she is supplying me with about 20-25oz of fresh milk a week, plus 200+oz she donated at the beginning.

It turns out her son is a reverse cycler (i.e. when baby doesn't touch the bottle at daycare but makes up for it when they get home), but figured out how to take a bottle at daycare and the mom's supply went down. So, she needed her stash after all...but then once he started solids, he went on bottle strikes again. So that is why I didn't hear from her for 3 months.

I never thought I'd say this, but I've had to turn away donors too. Mainly as of late, because the donor milk's too "young" (since my daughter's over a year old now). I have one donor from the old forum (on the Yahoo group) who is still pumping for us, she has a 14-month old so the age of the milk is just perfect for us.

It's too bad because this forum doesn't lend itself as easily for people to stay in touch after initial contact, because it isn't linked to email addresses like the old Yahoo group was. It is entirely dependant on a person checking the forum.

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by Catnurse on Mon Aug 16, 2010 5:27 pm

A lot of times, I have the opposite. I respond, coordinate the specifics, and the recipient doesn't get back to me. So, I generally donate to whomever is the first to actually follow thru with the pick up. I now, exclusively give my extra milk to one family locally.
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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by lucysmommy on Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:09 pm

As a donor, I want to get the milk to a baby as soon as possible. Sometimes I have more than other times, but the goal is always the same....don't dump good milk down the drain. It would be awesome to find someone local to continually give to.
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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by mommyofmany on Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:32 am

I have had this happen but as a recipient mama all I can say is be happy with what we get!
If mama decides to change her mind and not want to donate or follow through after all its her milk and her hard earned time so thus be it!!!

I just move on!
I think donors are AMAZING and those that have the heart to but can't or decide not to for whatever reason I still respect and honor the fact that they had the desire to help another human being.
I have had mamas say they want to help only to not be able to produce what they thought they could, or realize it was more work then they bargained for, or that they just realized they didn't make enough later on to meet even their own babies needs, or they just talked to someone else and didnt feel comfortable with the process because of being afraid of a law suit or they just decided that they wanted to help someone local or that they just decided to keep their milk just in case. I think all in all their hearts are in the right place and that it just doesn't work for whatever reason. I say thats ok and move on because it was their heart that was special. I send my hugs and move on.
To me that is a gift all on its own to witness such love for another human bieng that they WANT to but change their mind later.

So I just move on and keep up my search and sometimes get discouraged but after all we have nooooo right to complain or judge as these woman work their hineys off to make milk, I envy them no matter what they decide to do with it.

This is just my 2 cents so no offense taken please.
I just hope that recipients don't have the "entitled " attitude. If the donor follows through GREAT if not then her heart was at least in the right spot.

Good luck,
And thank you donor mamas for even considering being a milkshare mama even if you don't or aren't able to follow through. MANY HUGS and much gratitude!!


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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by Jodibug on Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:39 am

I agree with the PP, especially this part:

"This is just my 2 cents so no offense taken please.
I just hope that recipients don't have the "entitled " attitude. If the donor follows through GREAT if not then her heart was at least in the right spot."

I have had one donor who did not follow through because I think it was more work than she realized. I don't hold anything against her and thank her for at least trying to help my family.

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by veggiegymrat on Tue Aug 17, 2010 7:59 pm

mommyofmany, you are absolutely correct, but I believe what the OP (and myself) were talking about are donors who agree to donating, communicate with you to a certain point and then NEVER respond again. There's a difference between "I changed my mind" (for whatever reason) and just ignoring the recipient. It's so much more respectful to at least reply than ignore because you changed your mind.

If I'm wrong OP feel free to correct me but that's what I was talking about.
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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by mommyofmany on Wed Aug 18, 2010 5:49 am

Yes I understand what you are saying but.....
Perhaps they don't feel comfortable responding because they are not sure how to tell you they decided not to, is all I am saying.
I understand some of the frusteration as I have sent a cooler with bm bags and all shipping supplies only to never recieve it back again and after several attempted emails just gave up and moved on. I was a bit taken back because I had spent so much money on shipping, supplies and the cooler but what could I do I guess. But if its just a ignore after commitment it doesn't bother me as much because I feel they have their reasons perhaps they are embarassed that they changed their mind or that they really didn't feel comfortable with your family for whatever reason.
I don't know I guess despite having gone through this SEVERAL times (i am pg with my 3rd recipient baby) meaning I have been getting donors and milk for the last 5 years and usually until my babies are 18 mo -2 years I still never want to feel entitled to it even if they say they will give it and don't. Because as a nursing pumping mom myself (i don't make nearly enough) I understand the attatchment to milk from the hard work pumping thats involved I mean to me its soooo much extra work. anyway just another take on it. Very Happy

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by watawata on Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:30 pm

I haven't checked this site out as often as I used to, but as other PP mentioned, I had a couple of instances that potential recipients didn't follow through... I'm a donor, and I tried to respond to their request via PM in timely manner, but somehow after my initial or second/thrid responses, a couple of them just never responded back... So, that was a little heart-broken, and made me wonder if I said somthing that bothered them... It does take extra effort to pump extra (in addition to my own son's freezer stash), so I would've felt a little better if these potential recipients could've just said they changed their mind...

But on the other hands, all of my recipients to whom I had the opportunities to donate have been absolutely wonderful Very Happy

To get back to the OP's question, as other PP mentioned, maybe it was hard for the donor to tell that she changed her mind for whatever the reason is. But I agree that the donor "could" have said something to the recipient as a courtesy. I wanted to be a on-going donor, but due to my military training etc., I was expecting a drop of supply at one point, so in my email, I tried to mention that I'll try but not sure when the next time will be.

I know it's frustrating, but hang in there!

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by dt3001 on Fri Jan 14, 2011 8:02 pm

mommyofmany wrote:Yes I understand what you are saying but.....Perhaps they don't feel comfortable responding because they are not sure how to tell you they decided not to, is all I am saying.

I'm sorry, just my opinion, but that is no justification at all. That's the same as a guy or girl you really like never bothering to give you a straight answer when you ask them out or somehow indicate that you're interested. They figure, "Oh they'll take the 'hint' that I'm not interested." but that's not communicating in an adult manner at all, pretty infantile actually, like a kid pointing at a glass of milk instead of saying it. It take a pretty immature person if they can't be straight with you, and it's also a form of dishonesty because ... NOT telling someone the truth is just as much as a lie as telling then an untruth. If you need to let someone know you can't provide their milk after you agreed to, then you need to Say It!

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by laura_mae99 on Sat Jan 15, 2011 8:34 am

Have u been on eats on feets yet? its a local chapter of moms donating (( might get u in contact of local moms )) just look up your state http://www.eatsonfeets.com/ also, u can start a blog writen about your story about your struggles!!! A mom in NY did and then she sent it to the NEws and they picked up the story and in a day she had 650oz of donated milk.. and a couple local moms still pumping and helping her son...

heres the link: http://milkforbabyziggy.blogspot.com/2010/12/milk-for-baby-ziggy.html

she also posted up on eats on feets, milkshare and what not... asking for donations and with the link to her blog. She also got family and friends to open up 2 drop centers in the us for moms mybe in those areas. She also post up on craiglist as well... and found even a doctor in the area (( a PDA )) to donate her left over milk to her son.

IF u ship with in your state or a couple states of u... shipping ground shipping with ups is with in 1-2 days and around $26 for 500oz... witch isn't allot at all... http://milksharing.blogspot.com/ I am a donor and i donate to a mom that can't produce... we made this blog together how we ship!!!! it has some great info...

but the mom above kristen, she is in NY and gets milk from NJ,OH,VT and PA and shipping isn't much at all!!!

I hope that helps...I know moms that have had moms back out tons of times... pumping is hard work and alot of times donors tell moms they will help, but then when it comes down to it... with there own lives and family. ITs alot of time and they find they can't do it. Then they feel bad, and dont even want to tell u they cant to it and feel bad... I think thats one of the biggest reasons... Also milk sharen isn't always accpeted know a days... :-( kirsten had a mom with 500oz of milk back out cus her husband thought it was werid!!!!
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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by lesalia217 on Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:52 pm

I have had the problem in reverse. I had a mom contact me saying she wanted my milk.....then nothing. I kept emailing and emailing. I was ready to set up delivery and couldn't get a hold of her. So I gave up and found another recipient. So people on both sides can be flaky. We'll never know the real reason, but we just hope we can make some worthwhile connections somewhere.

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Re: Is anyone else having problems with donors.........

Post by kauaiangirl on Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:38 pm

Having been on both sides of donating and receiving, it has happened to me both ways. I think it's just a matter of good timing and follow through on both parties ends. I was first a donor and offered both locally and then nationally after not hearing from anyone for weeks then I got many requests for my milk but only 2 people appeared serious and for reasons of cost one backed out as it had to be shipped. Now that I am a recipient I have found that there are people who contact me and offer and then I never hear from them again. Although this is frustrating I just think that you have to move on and continue looking for donors. I luckily have found one person locally who is willing to pump for me as the cost of shipping from the continental US to Hawaii is more than I can bare to do more than a few times, I am trying to find another local donor but this will take time.
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